Apprehended in a counter-plot,
Under lock and key in Camelot;
Figured out I was an astronaut;
With a silver saxophone.

​

All at once I was an Arab sheik
Herding chimpanzees in Mozambique;
Then a tiger was speaking Greek;
I looked like Al Capone.  

​

I was failing at croquet;
Tried to call the CIA;
Then I bounced a check to pay my rent;
Soon I feet felt my feet were in cement!

​

Whisked away in a typhoon;
Dropped somewhere in Saskatoon;
In a hockey game without my clothes;
I had a two-foot carrot for a nose.

​

'S true it's happened to me more than twice,
And every time I have to pay the price;
That five-alarm chili before bed at night
Means cold-sweat nightmares, dreadful fright!
Guess I gotta curb that midnight appetite.