First day of class, your brain's on fire;
That higher Mathematics only gonna get higher!
Why you lettin' them fry you, fool?
"Ain't you ever heard of the Slide Rule?

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I'm not talkin' 'bout the doodad hanging from your belt;
Gotta save yourself from the hand you're dealt;
That calculus junk is a giant funk;
Drop it for Shop before you up and flunk.

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The Slide Rule, the Slide Rule.. 

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Now you can use Slide Rule anywhere in life--
At school, at work, or if you got a wife;
The idea is you don't need no stress;
Turn your back on the tough and choose easiness.

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Logarithms, tangents, geometry
Fibonacci numbers, trigonometry
When you slide that strip, move that glass
When they ask for Pi--oh, son, they got your... 

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Why take the high load, not worth the strife!
Look for the fly road, the carefree life.
Don't let them turn you to a pie-eyed tool,
Just kinda slip away--the Slide Rule!

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Don't listen to the brainiacs, they only lie.
Forget about arithmetic and just slide by;
Twenty years from now in your junk key drawer
You're gonna find that slide rule--a dinosaur!