Intro:

I've just made a major decision to accept an employment position;

With great growth potential--I'll be real influential;

My career's going according to plan!

But there's one slight complication--regarding my family's relocation:

I thought I'd be moving my clan to London, England,

Paris, France--or maybe Japan..

So what the hell am I doin' in SPOKANE?!

 

It's a great place for a family and it seems as though crime has been banned..

But the lifestyle's so min'mal, it's got to be crim'nal..

What the hell am I doin' in SPOKANE?

 

They've got Shopko, they've got K-Mart, and a mall in the valley is planned;

But none of them spark us, there's no Neiman Marcus!

What the hell am I doin' in SPOKANE?

 

For a sport we deplore they have ski slopes galore;

If we got in a pinch, we could learn how to fish;

Camping and running and biking and hunting

Ain't my idea of a good time;

God help me if it comes down to tryin' 'em;

 

We could picnic, we could bike ride, plant a garden and learn how to can;

And a case could be made that your Torchlight Parade

Rivals Six Flags or even Disneyland..

And would you please cease to dwell on that damn carrousel!

What the hell am I doin' in SPOKANE?