Oh, the day I brought you home from Old Wazoo
To meet my mom and get her blessings for we two;
But when she got herself a good long look at you,
She wagged her head and said,
"Girl, you'll never do!

​

(I gotta) tell you that this boy's my shining star;
As women go, I think you know you're no cigar;

Looks as though he's scraped the barrel;
I can tell just what you are:

​

Unemotional, 
Run-of-the-mill, 
Missing in action,
Tacky and shrill.

Under developed, 
Bawdy and rude, 
Moany and moody;
Too crude.

U. R. M. T.!  U. R. M. T.!
No! No! No!